We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
