like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
