Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
