I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
