You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
