I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found a bag of teeth...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
