He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
