Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want a musical about memes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
