yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
