Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
