Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
