i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
