Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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