I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
