I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
