he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
