I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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