my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
