you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
