I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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