You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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