I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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