remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
