Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize