What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
