apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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