If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
