i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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