Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Enjoy the penises
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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