I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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