She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
