my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
