u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Buhtt sex?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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