Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
