considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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