I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
