not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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