In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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