standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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