I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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