forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
