apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
