She announced her abortion via fbk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
