I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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