Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
