I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
