oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
