sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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