So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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