Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
