my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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