So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
