There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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