i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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