So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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