Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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