its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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