Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
