You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
