just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
