we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize