Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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