I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
