Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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