I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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